I’ve discovered something terrible. Something I should probably keep to myself, but for the sake of the writing community, nay, students everywhere, nay the world as a whole, I must share this knowledge even if it means risking my reputation and perhaps, even my life.
As it turns out, Comic Sans commonly improves writing. It can help you get over writer’s block. It can assist with getting out drafts without caring about fixing small mistakes. It can even improve legibility and reading speed for those with dyslexia (although open dyslexic likely does better for that).
Indeed, teachers and writers around the globe have discovered that it can really help with writing. But this brings up an interesting question. If Comic Sans is so darn effective, why isn’t it being used everywhere? Why, instead of Times New Roman are students not required to submit their work in this infamous font?
That’s when it hit me. Maybe, just maybe, they don’t want us to succeed. Maybe they want us to spend more time struggling with our cute little serifed, formal fonts. But who is they? The government? Russia? Perhaps the Nazis put this ant-Comic Sans plan into action before their demise. Perhaps it’s the writers that don’t want us to know the truth. Maybe Stephen King, Stan Lee, Anne Rice, and that damned Falcon from Gameranx are keeping their secret to success all to themselves to stifle the competition.
I knew I was onto something. So, without any further attention given to my career, hobbies, or useless college education, I pressed on into a period of deep research and ruthless questioning. Before the month was over, I would have my answers! What I found might shock you. It may just be the defining moment of your day, week, month, or life. The answer to this question is no. No, it’s just a really ugly but functional font. Ah well.
The Next Question
Conspiracies aside, if this is true, should I change my life around the usefulness of the hated Comic Sans? Perhaps I should change the font of this blog to match the truth. But no, while Comic Sans is helpful to writers, it makes little difference to readers. Well, except for those with dyslexia, but they don’t count as people anyways.
Maybe I’ll make a Microsoft Word plugin that displays Times New Roman as Comic Sans. Perhaps I’ll even change my default Windows font to Comic Sans. At the very least, I plan to change the font for this blog’s writer to be Comic Sans. From now on, as you read each of my blog posts, you can know that I suffered just a little as I wrote each one, but that my success is thanks to two words: Cocaine Addiction. Wait, no, that’s not it. Right: Comic Sans. Maybe next I’ll try out Wingdings…
One other idea is to change the website, or at least the blog’s font to Open Dyslexic to make reading easier for those dyslexic things too. Let me know your thoughts about that in the comments below. It’s not because I like you guys, it’s just an… uh… experiment.
I‘m not dyslexic too. Why are you asking me that? I don’t have dyslexia shut up go away shhhhh.